My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm both gender and math confused
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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