how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
