I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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