It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize