Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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