so explain again why im purple
no
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
