In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
