found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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