I wanna passion pit in your ass
Man, jail baloney is awful.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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