come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
