I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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