you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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