Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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