end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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