Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
