none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize