I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I cannot find my penis.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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