Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
