I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
