Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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