i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
