Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
