He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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