am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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