All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
