New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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