i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize