I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
