The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
