last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
