I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
