she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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