I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
