Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
