The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
