is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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