The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
