I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
