I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize