just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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