so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
