Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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