I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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