we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
