I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
