the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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