Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
