it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
