He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
