i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am naked and annoyed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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