I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
