I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
