So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
