her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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