My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
