I am in a vortex of obligation.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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