hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
