Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
