Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
