I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
