Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
