once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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