My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
