Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
