I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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