maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
