I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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