I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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