Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
