its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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