Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
