Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
