I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
