i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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