I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
