There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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