So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
