Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This baby is an asshole
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
