I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
