I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
