As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
