i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she pinky promised me she was 18
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
