I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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