Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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