I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
