I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize