We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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