Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
