non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize