so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
