I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
