so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the liver wants what the liver wants
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
