There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
