I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
