The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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